There is something about sin, I think, that should make us want to exalt King Jesus even more than we might already be doing. That something, I think, is just how much sin sucks. Not just my personal sin that I regret, but the specks in my brother's eye that I can find pretty easily. Sin hurts so deeply, and the memory of it stains our souls so vividly, that it amazes me, I think, that I/we do not run to Jesus more quickly before we sin so as to prevent us from the pain, or after we sin, so as to get forgiveness and comfort.
Lately, I've been pondering even more, the topic of divorce. I firmly believe that I will never get divorced, and I'm very blessed to also have belief and faith that my wife feels the same way, and that those feelings won't change for either of us. It goes beyond feelings really. I think it even goes beyond committment, and straight into resolve. However, that's not the part I've been really pondering.
The part of divorce I've been turning over and around, is a sense (that's the most I can firmly call it at this stage) that married people who are in the same boat as the committed one I described, rarely get to celebrate their sticktoitiveness and longevity, because about 54% of the people around them have had to go through the gut wrenching pain of divorce. Anyone who is polite, sensible, or just plain human, is not going to want to do anything that is going to "rub their marriage in the face" of a friend or family member whose marriage failed. John Piper says something like, "The physical death of a spouse involves pain, but it is usually 'clean' pain. Divorce, on the other hand, usually involves 'unclean' pain." I understand what he is saying, and so just as someone would not want to convey a message like, "Oh, you're spouse is dead. Well, mine is still alive, let's talk about me," resolute married people, I think, tend to go along being quietly married, so as not to offend or open any wounds.
What is sticking with me, or at least bumming me out, is that although "all sin is sin in God's eyes," (and sinful people like us are quick to point that out), there is something about the permanence of most divorces that parallels death, and this has a great irony.
The irony of divorce, is that the majority of people who get them, do so "quietly." (There is so much more to write here about counseling, or arguing, or stressing, or finances, so I use the word quietly with much sadness, but it's not the main point I'm getting at.) This "quietness" is so much in stark contrast to what started the marriage - the wedding.
The wedding is probably the most exciting, nerve racking, announcing, money spending, inviting, crowd gathering, gift giving, music playing, candle lighting, father giving, holy man reading, everyone praying, cake cutting, rice throwing, limosine driving, time in anyone's entire marriage. It's the sha-bang that sets off the Carpenter's "We've only just begun" tune in our heads. It is, to say the least, a big, big, big, big, big, big, big deal to us. It is a big deal to God.
So when John Piper's only book on marriage entitled "This Momentary Marriage," conveys a passionate thesis that screams: Marriage is not mainly about being "in love," it exists because it is a picture of Christ's unseparating everlasting love for his Bride - the New Testament Church, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being in love, and I'm okay with staying together for the kids, and I'm okay with sticking it out come hell or high water, so that I can give my two-cents worth of a picture to the world that when Jesus loves you, He loves you forever. He'll never leave you because you slept with His worst enemy, the Devil. He won't even leave you when you commit that adultery so many times you lost count. He won't leave you when you don't spend your money right - and so much so, that you don't have anymore to spend. He won't leave you because you "don't see eye to eye" or because you feel like you started your relationship when you were too young, and didn't know what you were doing. He ain't leaving.
Which brings me back to the thought, I think, that...
1. Married people who plan on staying married need to celebrate this loudly. I'm not saying noone on the planet does, but look at all those components of bells, whistles, and confetti, to celebrate Day 1 of a marriage. Why not at least some whisltes or bells for Day 3001 (8yrs)?
2. I think that people who have struggling marriages need to pull out all the stops to make it work. I could write for days here, but the men who are at fault know their faults, and so do the women who are at fault. We know who and what we are and what we do and what we can change. We just know.
3. I think that people who have gotten divorced should stay divorced. This is the nuclear bomb thought, but I think - and maybe am realizing it for the first time - that I am once again with John Piper who has reminded me that although there is a scriptural provision for divorce, there is not a New Testament scriptural provision for remarriage other than the death of a spouse. In other words, while Jesus does say "sexual immorality" can be used (never says has to be) to exit a marriage, the bible is silent on getting remarried after choosing that exit. It only says a person is free to remarry after the death of a spouse.
I'm good with writing that - although Piper agrees it is a minority view even with some of the most heavy-hitting theologians - because maybe it will at least cause us to look before we leap. If our thoughts go something like, "I know this will hurt - maybe for years - but I'm deciding on the divorce," perhaps we'll have to follow that thought with, "Of course if I do that, I will have to remain single to serve Jesus... possibly until I die or He comes to get His Bride."
Of course, of course, there is a lot of inferring on our part, especially when one spouse does get remarried, leaving the other spouse to infer that they too are free to remarry. However, that ain't chapter and verse. Even Paul writing that an unbelieving spouse can be "let go," he does not go on to write, "so that you may find a new and better companion." It seems extremely conservative to hold to this view, but, I think, conservative, playing it safe out of a love for the King, would say I am not free till my (former) spouse dies a physical death. Chuck Swindoll once said, "I've never regretted playing it safe. I've often regretted playing it loose."
As these thoughts turn to a close for the night, I want anyone reading to realize I am writing first to myself, and second to the majority of marriages. I would not try to apply a one size fits all theology to an extremely battered mother of two, or someone in a worse scenario. There are demonic forces in those cases that go beyond the 90 percentile of divorces that end because of selfishness, rationalization, pride, and all the other soul-staining sin that lead this more permanent Christ/Church-Image shattering sin.
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